Friday


The sun has set
  In my beautifully broken heart
I can’t help what has happened
Or what will become-
I can help myself,
   and be  
                   h a p p y  
About that.

            We can dance in the sun,
Swim in the river all the way to the Moon.
But only if you want-
Nothing but our souls on.
Organic love will then take my body-
Take control.

I have to hold on for life. I need to breathe
Some fresh air again. I can’t seem to fit
This shell that I’m in.
As the funeral begins, please hold my
Dead body up to the sky,

As the ashes need to rise and
The clouds will eat my soul.


Thursday


Can you tell
When you grin
That I am falling
Out of my skin
The bones they hold
Before my mind
Slips I can’t get a grip
Can you tell when you
Grin I want to eat the sins
I want to stop the madness
And just let love
In




Beyond Broken.
Love me hard until I cry
And fall into your arms.
Love me hard so I can learn
How to feel again.


Isolate the Sunlight, so I can feel beautiful again.
The desire to eat your mouth.
Sweet Bitterness, your body brings-
    My soul, washed up on the ocean’s floor
Before the Moon could rise, before the
Stars could shine. Find time for us.
Finding time for us, is like waiting for Heaven
To rain, waiting for the train to take me
Far, Far away, before love existed. Just
So I COULD breathe again. I can’t feel
My toes, and I haven’t eaten in a week or so.
The knots in my stomach are tied tighter
Than my shoelaces. If I could go back in time,
To store our time, kind of hold it: frozen.
Like a statue: can’t move.
     I just want to feel you in the winter’s night.
I want to know what you dream about, how you
       See me?
If this was easy, our hearts wouldn’t feel a thing.
So bring on the fire,
for as I am here, now.



I’m sick of feeling sick.

As I make my way down the drive
I see a bunch of birds, dancing in the painted
Blue sky, while I lose my mind, lose reality
For just a second. Flying high with them,
I can see so much more from up here.
Take my hands, take my hair, show me
Where love sleeps when the Moon isn’t Full. 

Wednesday

i feel it again
the way we used
to kiss
i want this feeling
now  and 
forever
be mine
and i can 
open your door
my head can't sail again

watch as i turn my back
i can't keep up anymore:
exhausted.
i need to head
towards the woods-
to dig my body up
find her again.
find my soul
under the ocean floor
and finally take
control.
it all works out in time.. you know i'm gonna be alright...
you may take my eyes but baby i'm not blind 
tangerines. 
who have i become with
you by my side.
i can't take the person inside-
have to hide my thoughts- i can't
stand myself. i've given you my all-
drained of sins and everything. i
can't keep up with the silence.
screaming from within. my
heart asks for help. my soul
wants a home, not a temporary
fix.


i just want to love you
doors open
like no one is watching
like everyone is watching
i just want to love you
help me find my body again
i think i lost her, i think i lost me
i want to find the pieces
we lost.. i want to try love
you.

again. 


slipped on a candlestick

might be sick
might be dead

cant take the lies anymore
can't take the voices
that told me so

i just want to breathe
the air again

i know that she's love

i want to feel whole

just one more time
again.
can't stop crying.....

the photographs of you and me

only fools can see
the happiness

nothing here 
EVER
existed
(tears down her face)

when you can watch the TV
and ignore the goddess of 

love,crying at your door

but you don't let her in -
instead you pretend she
 doesn't 
exist.

while she is on the floor
dying and crying tears
until they turn to blood
but nothing fazes you
as the house is on fire 
you continue to sit 
in the recliner and smile

-
her soul in a puddle 
on the floor.
walls crumbled, someone
screaming at the door.

just can't even take it.
mended together
already broken 
parts, that's no 
better than loving
on your own.






i just want to lick your tongue
taste your words 

take your body into 
another place, where the 
walls melt and our 
hearts write love 
in the clouds


i just need a breather
time to soak my toes
in the ocean alone

taste the sea



I can’t take the pain in my eyes any longer.

To say I feel great
Would be a lie, like hanging
My tears from the clouds
And just watching us die
-

There was a time for us
And a place we could
Call ours, but I have grown
And my space here is shrinking:
overgrown.
-
I need to be alone, with just
The night and the moon
My thoughts and some
Notebooks, I can’t take myself
I need time and I need space

To Heal the wounds, to lick
My tears, to clear my
Thoughts. I just need time.
I need to find the real me
And I need to get her back
-

I can’t stand the face I see,
Broken in half
Between trust and hate
I can’t take the wandering
Eyes and the lack of lust
You give me. I have been
Here for 10 Springs
And you still can’t
Believe
in
me?

Monday


?

Picking through dust and old memories
Trying to make sense of this love again
Honestly where have I been?
To places no man should ever see
Where the light from the moon escapes
Your mind like the river running dry -
Like the light angels bring, right
Before you die.






I know a girl who reminds me of Cher
(Reminds me of Cher)
She's always changing
(She's always changing)
The color of her hair
(Color of her hair)
But she don't use nothing
That you buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines

          REMEMBER
When I let the rain tickle my feet
The day we made love in a bed with no sheets
?


The pulp that floats
That holds your eye
Makes me want to die
THICK
HEATWAVE
HOT


poem

Find me in spaces where
Cobwebs have a home and

I feel alive

Where spiders have opinions
And the rain falls slow

Where the roads have no lines
But I know where to go


My discomfort sits upon your lips.
You speak and all I hear is nonsense-
When your mouth opens you should talk sweet love and innocence
but all you do is fill my mind with SHIT.

and 

I CAN’T TAKE IT

I want out. I just need to breathe.

My lungs have turned a charcoal kind of Green and I can hear my mother
Screaming my name from here,

         “VICTORIA MARIE….”

I know I’m fucked, 
I fucked up. 
This is fucked up
I just can’t take the pain; I can’t take the stubborn silence anymore.
You have sucked my soul dry and now it is my time to find
The thoughts that have lived in my brain



I can’t swim, I can’t swim
You are going to have to save me
Take my teeth back to shore
While my sins sink
To the bottom
Like an anchor on the heart
Like a storm before it starts
Take the grey and just feel
..
.


    I need time to for myself and time to think. 
I met a man down the street who sold me ten years worth of time and a bottle of wine for the wisdom that sits in the back of my mouth.
   To take back the time, to say sorry before you weren’t mine.


I can’t tell whether you want a bite of this brain
                         Or you just like the color of my eyes
I want to love you in the fucking silent winter-
Nothing but our bare souls and a blanket of snow to cover
us    
               Lost before you found me, I’m sorry if I’m cautious.
I need to protect this BLACK heart, as for I am learning.


Watching myself grow, watching these roots
Dig deep into the Earth,
Where to begin, how to start
I can’t seem to find the time we shared
It’s lost in between your lies and my sins
Between your teeth and your throat
Like a flame that just won’t give
Take my body, shower me with misery
I can’t seem to find anything these days
My mind has been floating for far too long


can’t promise

Til the moon loves the summer
And the winter kisses the wind
Til the sun eats my thoughts and
The spring hugs my sanity again
    I will try to love you


I don’t know how to feel about this mess
That sits upon my torn heart

Beaten to death,
My love needs a rest.

I can’t seem to see straight,
My eyes have been glazed
Over for years

And now I finally see
What has happened to the
Real me.

Where my soul has been,
I’m not quite sure.
I hope they took care of my
Head while I was gone.

Before the midnight sky,
and my Wolf Heart
I can see my reflection
in the rain
and I know
that Torr hasn’t been the same.

I want to get back to basics,
Get the boys together-
Have Friendsgiving Dinner
Every Night.

I miss the Old Torr
I think we all do.
 Time to find her.




Dressed to impress the mayor


Taking advice from a dead guy is as good as making
Love with no fire-
Useless-
When nothing makes sense- you can’t seem to
Find your ground…
Just look up at the Moon- she can
Save you- she
Always seems to save me

Friday

Your mind is the garden, your thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds.
                                                   ~William Wordsworth 

Ghetto butterfly


As my feelings gather
Into a ball of anger
And empathy
Desolate eyes
And heartbroken mind–

Taking time with
The bees to carefully
Sift through things-

I don’t know how to
Feel 
besides
Exhausted,
Dead,
Broken.


I just want to be ok.
Taking time for myself, to heal the wounds
To plant the seeds of life again inside my soul
I want to feel the rain touch my skin
I want to run in the silent snow with you
And come back inside and make love
Until we die

Wednesday



silently screaming
                                    
 Do you trust the man
That ripped your heart
Out whole?
Who left without saying
Anything to a soul.
OR

Do you trust the man
That’s living in your bed.
That still can’t seem to find
 the words in his head.

  If he can’t find them now
Will he ever?

How long can one wait?

I ask as I sip my tea,
Gaze out the window just to
Count the raindrops
collect on a plate




You can’t tell me
                   Things don’t happen to you
When our eyes meet

You can’t tell me
          That my heart signing
Is a sign of relief…..
When it hasn’t sung in centuries

You make me feel safe
    you make feel good
How do you have this power?
Ability to make everything disappear
  Besides us and the moonlight            ?



I hate you for making me want to scream to the wind
 For making me search for answers in the dark winter nights
I hate you for leaving me Back then - you didn’t 
even hang me up to dry


  Younger than the sunrise- I know, but feelings don’t lie

Stars connect, we reconnect but
What am I supposed to think?

When I see you, the fire inside ignites and I can’t help but
Feel that. The touching of our souls here

Can’t lie.

Again.

If I could
I’d go back
To turn everything around

To make things better,
To kiss the wounds
And to touch your scars

I just wanted love

And maybe I was a fool
Rushing in
Being young
Not really having a home
Wanting something
I never felt before

Why do feelings happen like this?

dead january

Why do the old bones
Always come back to hurt you?
Why can’t they stay in their
Own space?

Why do they want to mend
Things that they broke-
Their own bones...
I was there before and you left

Me to die. Alone with
One eye. But now seven
Winters have passed and
You come knocking
On my door

You are trying to plant seeds
In that dead Torr.
Well this Torr is dead too.

I can’t tell you the truth,

It’s hidden under lies and cobwebs-
Hidden under surface love and
Hopeless everything...

Alone with brittle mistakes
And love that didn’t lie

Where is our
Time going?
Moving forward-

Not back.



I just want  that feeling back
Like my soul has caught fire and I’m not afraid to let it burn              

The fear of death does not faze me- I will love you until the end
Some are of afraid of the unknown, but I’m not
This new me is blooming and I can’t help but love her
And want what she needs

Thinking our dangerous love is one of them




Should we go back?


I thought we had something
 I saw light in your eyes
And I can’t even call you home
Even though I did
   I almost said accidentally
But let’s be honest here
It wasn’t on accident
When I see you everything
Rushes in like the sea
On a storm day, a raw state.
   Feelings rolling in....
Harder and harder and higher
And they are there.

No one can hide it
  We can’t break the rules
But didn’t we already cross the
Street together
When you started to knock?
   You knocked and I am fucked
For letting you in

For even answering the door-

Part of me hopes this is the old us
I want to be your friend
But with our powers
With our beings
     - our SOULS
Is that possible?

But the other part of me wants
To be your life -
I want to feel us again,
I want to feel alive
And I’m sorry but you were
The only human to show me
The Moon on a rainy night.

And I crave that feeling
Every
     Fucking
           Day-

Or are we just lost lovers
On Earth walking bare footed
To find each other again


i don't know what to be right now... 


i can't even float anymore

this is weighing me the fuck down 

Tuesday

YO I wanna give a shout out to my boy Will

thanks for sharing this man with me today :)






Coping with feelings.

Accepting
Realizing
Compassion
Fear of the unknown (but not really)
Painless
To love another soul I shall
Die and come back.
This body has been through it all
Hell and then some-
Old and weathered
Kind of broken too


start the procession line, I think I have died.

It kills me to say goodbye
But what really hits my soul
Is feeling alone when we are
Together

Your smile lights up a room
I envy your nose and
Perfect teeth
Those green eyes could
Save my soul-

But my time here is up
I’ve been stuck in this
Cage for far too long
And I’ve finally realized-

That life is about being
Happy with yourself,
With your soul-
To create your imagination
Into reality and just go


At first I never thought
I could be alone
I thought I needed someone
To hold and call home
But come to find out,
The world isn’t as scary as
I thought

Or maybe I grew stronger-

The stars whispered to me
 One night, while trying
To fall asleep,

    It's Ok to let go, to make a better you.....
This Torr has expired.

EJECT.