The sun has set

  In my beautifully broken heart

I can’t help what has happened

Or what will become-

I can help myself,

   and be  

                   h a p p y  

About that.

            We can dance in the sun,

Swim in the river all the way to the Moon.

But only if you want-

Nothing but our souls on.

Organic love will then take my body-

Take control.

I have to hold on for life. I need to breathe

Some fresh air again. I can’t seem to fit

This shell that I’m in.

As the funeral begins, please hold my

Dead body up to the sky,

As the ashes need to rise and

The clouds will eat my soul.

Can you tell

When you grin

That I am falling

Out of my skin

The bones they hold

Before my mind

Slips I can’t get a grip

Can you tell when you

Grin I want to eat the sins

I want to stop the madness

And just let love

In

Beyond Broken.

Love me hard until I cry

And fall into your arms.

Love me hard so I can learn

How to feel again.

Isolate the Sunlight, so I can feel beautiful again.

The desire to eat your mouth.

Sweet Bitterness, your body brings-

    My soul, washed up on the ocean’s floor

Before the Moon could rise, before the

Stars could shine. Find time for us.

Finding time for us, is like waiting for Heaven

To rain, waiting for the train to take me

Far, Far away, before love existed. Just

So I COULD breathe again. I can’t feel

My toes, and I haven’t eaten in a week or so.

The knots in my stomach are tied tighter

Than my shoelaces. If I could go back in time,

To store our time, kind of hold it: frozen.

Like a statue: can’t move.

     I just want to feel you in the winter’s night.

I want to know what you dream about, how you

       See me?

If this was easy, our hearts wouldn’t feel a thing.

So bring on the fire,

for as I am here, now.

I’m sick of feeling sick.

As I make my way down the drive

I see a bunch of birds, dancing in the painted

Blue sky, while I lose my mind, lose reality

For just a second. Flying high with them,

I can see so much more from up here.

Take my hands, take my hair, show me

Where love sleeps when the Moon isn’t Full. 

i feel it again
the way we used
to kiss
i want this feeling
now  and 
forever
be mine
and i can 
open your door

my head can't sail again

watch as i turn my back
i can't keep up anymore:
exhausted.
i need to head
towards the woods-
to dig my body up
find her again.
find my soul
under the ocean floor
and finally take
control.

it all works out in time.. you know i'm gonna be alright...
you may take my eyes but baby i'm not blind 

tangerines. 
who have i become with
you by my side.
i can't take the person inside-
have to hide my thoughts- i can't
stand myself. i've given you my all-
drained of sins and everything. i
can't keep up with the silence.
screaming from within. my
heart asks for help. my soul
wants a home, not a temporary
fix.

i just want to love you
doors open
like no one is watching
like everyone is watching
i just want to love you
help me find my body again
i think i lost her, i think i lost me
i want to find the pieces
we lost.. i want to try love
you.

again. 

slipped on a candlestick

might be sick
might be dead

cant take the lies anymore
can't take the voices
that told me so

i just want to breathe
the air again

i know that she's love

i want to feel whole

just one more time
again.

can't stop crying.....

the photographs of you and me

only fools can see
the happiness

nothing here 
EVER
existed
(tears down her face)

when you can watch the TV
and ignore the goddess of 

love,crying at your door

but you don't let her in -
instead you pretend she
 doesn't 
exist.

while she is on the floor
dying and crying tears
until they turn to blood
but nothing fazes you
as the house is on fire 
you continue to sit 
in the recliner and smile

-
her soul in a puddle 
on the floor.
walls crumbled, someone
screaming at the door.

just can't even take it.
mended together
already broken 
parts, that's no 
better than loving
on your own.

i just want to lick your tongue
taste your words 

take your body into 
another place, where the 
walls melt and our 
hearts write love 
in the clouds

i just need a breather
time to soak my toes
in the ocean alone

taste the sea

I can’t take the pain in my eyes any longer.

To say I feel great

Would be a lie, like hanging

My tears from the clouds

And just watching us die

-

There was a time for us

And a place we could

Call ours, but I have grown

And my space here is shrinking:

overgrown.

-

I need to be alone, with just

The night and the moon

My thoughts and some

Notebooks, I can’t take myself

I need time and I need space

To Heal the wounds, to lick

My tears, to clear my

Thoughts. I just need time.

I need to find the real me

And I need to get her back

-

I can’t stand the face I see,

Broken in half

Between trust and hate

I can’t take the wandering

Eyes and the lack of lust

You give me. I have been

Here for 10 Springs

And you still can’t

Believe

in

me?

?

Picking through dust and old memories

Trying to make sense of this love again

Honestly where have I been?

To places no man should ever see

Where the light from the moon escapes

Your mind like the river running dry -

Like the light angels bring, right

Before you die.

I know a girl who reminds me of Cher
(Reminds me of Cher)
She's always changing
(She's always changing)
The color of her hair
(Color of her hair)
But she don't use nothing
That you buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines
Tangerines

          REMEMBER

When I let the rain tickle my feet

The day we made love in a bed with no sheets

?

The pulp that floats

That holds your eye

Makes me want to die

THICK

HEATWAVE

HOT

poem

Find me in spaces where

Cobwebs have a home and

I feel alive

Where spiders have opinions

And the rain falls slow

Where the roads have no lines

But I know where to go

My discomfort sits upon your lips.

You speak and all I hear is nonsense-

When your mouth opens you should talk sweet love and innocence

but all you do is fill my mind with SHIT.

and 

I CAN’T TAKE IT

I want out. I just need to breathe.

My lungs have turned a charcoal kind of Green and I can hear my mother

Screaming my name from here,

         “VICTORIA MARIE….”

I know I’m fucked, 

I fucked up. 

This is fucked up

I just can’t take the pain; I can’t take the stubborn silence anymore.

You have sucked my soul dry and now it is my time to find

The thoughts that have lived in my brain

I can’t swim, I can’t swim

You are going to have to save me

Take my teeth back to shore

While my sins sink

To the bottom

Like an anchor on the heart

Like a storm before it starts

Take the grey and just feel

…

..

.

    I need time to for myself and time to think. 

I met a man down the street who sold me ten years worth of time and a bottle of wine for the wisdom that sits in the back of my mouth.

   To take back the time, to say sorry before you weren’t mine.

I can’t tell whether you want a bite of this brain

                         Or you just like the color of my eyes

I want to love you in the fucking silent winter-

Nothing but our bare souls and a blanket of snow to cover

us    

               Lost before you found me, I’m sorry if I’m cautious.

I need to protect this BLACK heart, as for I am learning.

Watching myself grow, watching these roots

Dig deep into the Earth,

Where to begin, how to start

I can’t seem to find the time we shared

It’s lost in between your lies and my sins

Between your teeth and your throat

Like a flame that just won’t give

Take my body, shower me with misery

I can’t seem to find anything these days

My mind has been floating for far too long

can’t promise

Til the moon loves the summer

And the winter kisses the wind

Til the sun eats my thoughts and

The spring hugs my sanity again

    I will try to love you

I don’t know how to feel about this mess

That sits upon my torn heart

Beaten to death,

My love needs a rest.

I can’t seem to see straight,

My eyes have been glazed

Over for years

And now I finally see

What has happened to the

Real me.

Where my soul has been,

I’m not quite sure.

I hope they took care of my

Head while I was gone.

Before the midnight sky,

and my Wolf Heart

I can see my reflection

in the rain

and I know

that Torr hasn’t been the same.

I want to get back to basics,

Get the boys together-

Have Friendsgiving Dinner

Every Night.

I miss the Old Torr

I think we all do.

 Time to find her.

Dressed to impress the mayor

Taking advice from a dead guy is as good as making

Love with no fire-

Useless-

When nothing makes sense- you can’t seem to

Find your ground…

Just look up at the Moon- she can

Save you- she

Always seems to save me

Your mind is the garden, your thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds.
                                                   ~William Wordsworth 

Ghetto butterfly

As my feelings gather

Into a ball of anger

And empathy

Desolate eyes

And heartbroken mind–

Taking time with

The bees to carefully

Sift through things-

I don’t know how to

Feel 

besides

Exhausted,

Dead,

Broken.

I just want to be ok.

Taking time for myself, to heal the wounds

To plant the seeds of life again inside my soul

I want to feel the rain touch my skin

I want to run in the silent snow with you

And come back inside and make love

Until we die

silently screaming

                                    

 Do you trust the man

That ripped your heart

Out whole?

Who left without saying

Anything to a soul.

OR

Do you trust the man

That’s living in your bed.

That still can’t seem to find

 the words in his head.

  If he can’t find them now

Will he ever?

How long can one wait?

I ask as I sip my tea,

Gaze out the window just to

Count the raindrops

collect on a plate

You can’t tell me

                   Things don’t happen to you

When our eyes meet

You can’t tell me

          That my heart signing

Is a sign of relief…..

When it hasn’t sung in centuries

You make me feel safe

    you make feel good

How do you have this power?

Ability to make everything disappear

  Besides us and the moonlight            ?

I hate you for making me want to scream to the wind

 For making me search for answers in the dark winter nights

I hate you for leaving me Back then - you didn’t 

even hang me up to dry

  Younger than the sunrise- I know, but feelings don’t lie

Stars connect, we reconnect but

What am I supposed to think?

When I see you, the fire inside ignites and I can’t help but

Feel that. The touching of our souls here

Can’t lie.

Again.

If I could

I’d go back

To turn everything around

To make things better,

To kiss the wounds

And to touch your scars

I just wanted love

And maybe I was a fool

Rushing in

Being young

Not really having a home

Wanting something

I never felt before

Why do feelings happen like this?

dead january

Why do the old bones

Always come back to hurt you?

Why can’t they stay in their

Own space?

Why do they want to mend

Things that they broke-

Their own bones...

I was there before and you left

Me to die. Alone with

One eye. But now seven

Winters have passed and

You come knocking

On my door

You are trying to plant seeds

In that dead Torr.

Well this Torr is dead too.

I can’t tell you the truth,

It’s hidden under lies and cobwebs-

Hidden under surface love and

Hopeless everything...

Alone with brittle mistakes

And love that didn’t lie

Where is our

Time going?

Moving forward-

Not back.

I just want  that feeling back

Like my soul has caught fire and I’m not afraid to let it burn              

The fear of death does not faze me- I will love you until the end

Some are of afraid of the unknown, but I’m not

This new me is blooming and I can’t help but love her

And want what she needs

Thinking our dangerous love is one of them

Should we go back?

I thought we had something

 I saw light in your eyes

And I can’t even call you home

Even though I did

   I almost said accidentally

But let’s be honest here

It wasn’t on accident

When I see you everything

Rushes in like the sea

On a storm day, a raw state.

   Feelings rolling in....

Harder and harder and higher

And they are there.

No one can hide it

  We can’t break the rules

But didn’t we already cross the

Street together

When you started to knock?

   You knocked and I am fucked

For letting you in

For even answering the door-

Part of me hopes this is the old us

I want to be your friend

But with our powers

With our beings

     - our SOULS

Is that possible?

But the other part of me wants

To be your life -

I want to feel us again,

I want to feel alive

And I’m sorry but you were

The only human to show me

The Moon on a rainy night.

And I crave that feeling

Every

     Fucking

           Day-

Or are we just lost lovers

On Earth walking bare footed

To find each other again

i don't know what to be right now... 


i can't even float anymore

this is weighing me the fuck down 

YO I wanna give a shout out to my boy Will

thanks for sharing this man with me today :)

Coping with feelings.

Accepting

Realizing

Compassion

Fear of the unknown (but not really)

Painless

To love another soul I shall

Die and come back.

This body has been through it all

Hell and then some-

Old and weathered

Kind of broken too

start the procession line, I think I have died.

It kills me to say goodbye

But what really hits my soul

Is feeling alone when we are

Together

Your smile lights up a room

I envy your nose and

Perfect teeth

Those green eyes could

Save my soul-

But my time here is up

I’ve been stuck in this

Cage for far too long

And I’ve finally realized-

That life is about being

Happy with yourself,

With your soul-

To create your imagination

Into reality and just go

At first I never thought

I could be alone

I thought I needed someone

To hold and call home

But come to find out,

The world isn’t as scary as

I thought

Or maybe I grew stronger-

The stars whispered to me

 One night, while trying

To fall asleep,

    It's Ok to let go, to make a better you.....

This Torr has expired.

EJECT.