february 2026

i feel indifferent
i belong in the in between
the spaces between words
the gap between the ripples
a space like Earth but different.
a place where i can see through the fog
and mess.
    " i'm feeling pretty indifferent lately"
                                i whisper 

as i hold up a 
hydrangea to the sun

 for him

somedays i want to speak to you

but most days i want to 

hold you

 journal entry from last year

sometimes my mind thinks 
the only time 
i can live 
is if 
i give my soul away 

every fucking day
but,

i know will not survive. 

 poem

love is the worst 

for the ones who need it.
(who want it the most)
just trying to feel something 
inside that doesn't make me 
want to die
love is fucking awful
for the ones who need it the 
most. (want it). 

 oct~2025

i need to know if you even care for me.
i come crawling, dirt in my nails and blood 
dripping from my mouth.
i ask for forgiveness even though my soul is not wrong
but you make me beg.
i drag my knees: heavy, across the hardwood floors.
you could care less with your rings and your ego
filling you up too much.
you can't seem to find the edge.
you sit high with a puffed chest.
like lizards listen to you or men respect you. 
but here, where we cry and scream...
you still ask me, "what's your name"
    and now i know you haven't listened to a single
fucking word i've said over 

thousands of years. 

and how am i supposed to feel?

when all i see is fear.

 POEM

i feel like i'm constantly holding
my breath because if i make one tiny
noise, 
someone will come hounding. 

 mini poem 12000

even if i let the bugs eat my eyes
and have my hair. 

even if i 
let them seal my teeth 
and share my skin....

i know i would continue 
to 

     ITCH.

 poem
if i told you how i really felt, 
we probably wouldn't be friends.
my mouth stays full and shut.
no whispers or secrets ever escape. 
crying would become normal
and ears would bleed,
all if i told you how i really felt. 

 old diary entry ~ august 2026

i wake up to a familiar damp smell
i can see things i've already experienced
and stuff only the future holds secrets for.
dirt in my hair and under my nails, all while the years
had me in a chokehold and tears part from my eyes.
the moonlight drowns out 
the noise and i scream, 

         "i just want to feel everything and nothing at once"
as my father wipes away the tears and all i can taste is 
the color red: blood. 
and now the sun screeches to let us all know 
it is dawn. 

 

Drying up in conversation/You will be the one who cannot talk/All your insides fall to pieces/You just sit there wishing you could still make love

 blank
sometimes i wake up and just want to go to bed forever
i don't feel like finding the energy to chew my breakfast
or to swallow todays' regrets. i don't
want to wake the cinnamon scented halls today. 
but then i remember, i have my own backyard birds
and ferns
and somehow, i feel like i fit right  in

 september 23, 2026 poem

do you hear that?
what is the color green?
what is the air that fills the room with that dark amber scent?
what's the sound i hear when i fall in love with someone?
can you beat the ocean to a full moon? hanging high,
and nothing to say but look at the sky?
what is a star? can you feel the winter's angry winds now?
what happens when we finally die? 

will you hear my whispers at night?